I started this journey, or as i call it chapter not healthy body wise or emotionally. i break my life into chapters this is my fourth chapter....first chapter you are born and cared for lovingly (hopefully) by your family. Second chapter you branch out start school, make friends and build childhood memories (pleasant ones hopefully) third chapter you marry, start a family and raise your children with love, and strive to do a little better than the previous generation...well I am in chapter four as i said. i was born, made some terrific childhood friends who know my scars, (physical and emotional)and to this day still love me. they never really left my heart. I ran away from home first day of seventh grade and never looked back. that is where my foster family comes into play. Now that my children are grown, it is my turn to finally take care of myself. A close friend has taught me the gift of self care over the past twelve years, and i am still learning how to do it. i don't think i will ever stop learning, i am kind of liking this me stage. 
I began chapter four messed up, broken ..so it is time for me to get out my tools. I met this amazing woman her name is Julie and she gave me the tools to heal my inside, allowing my outside to change. I weighed close to two hundred and forty pounds was living on twenty six different meds to keep me alive. 
I met her, i listened, i absorbed every word she said every gesture locked int my mind. i don't know what i weigh, i will never know that number again as long as i am alive. i know i was a size tight 20/22. i had no neck, and when i look at pictures i see a person broken, hurt and left on the side of the road to find her way home.
i did find my way, my gps is grace, positive thought and serenity. I matter if not to the world then i matter to me. God created me, people broke me like a doll, when i was small (young) my nick name was bag of bones. i was so light that when struck i usually flew into the closest wall. so my protection was weight, the bigger i became the less i flew.i lost my wings sort of. I recall my father saying one day here comes your sisters boyfriend, and he reached out his hand as to gesture shaking a boys hand. he repeated this with my other two sisters...then he said here comes Laurie boyfriend, and he dragged his hands onto the floor as to imitate an animal a dog..
so i proved him wrong, i married a very handsome man, one who my family still shakes their heads and wonders what he sees in me. that kind of kick in the esteem of a girls heart, shatters it....along comes my tape, glue this time. there are no vi sable marks left to see. i am beautiful..i look in the mirror and see a little girl God created, and i know from reading His words, He creates all things in beauty. EVEN ME!
I wear a size 10/12 now i bought my first pair of skinny jeans a month ago and yes i am rocking them. I no longer take any medicine, no more high blood pressure no more diabetic my heart is healed. my body is mine for the first time and i am now responsible for it. i am not needing anyone to care for it, i feed it, i move it..it is me. I recently had the opportunity to get close to Jesus and for the first time in my life I get Him..I used to treat Him as a friend if i needed him he was there, he never left. Now i hold him close to my heart, he is my best friend. He knows all my secrets and He is the only one who knows where my cracks are.  I want wish for everyone to find that point in their life when chapter four comes into play, when you know there is so much more than just getting by, hanging on by your fingernails...i rather grip hold on and fly through each day. i got my wings back i no longer fly when struck my feet are planted on the ground...but when a small child passes me or i hold a new infant for the first time, they can sense my wings...they steady me.(and if i say so myself, they are beautiful..just like me)